Finding cool crap at the dollar store is fun, but finding beer for free pretty much just wins. That’s why I’m trying my ass off to win the GoTime Seattle blog contest for tickets to Seattle International Beer Festival.

These guys at GoSeattle could teach a class on how to do a social media giveaway. They’re taking a prize worth no more than $50, stretching the giveaway out over a long period of time, offering multiple ways to enter, and people are eating it up! Here’s the points system:

For you newbies the ways to enter include:

• 1 Entry: Follow @gotime_seattle on twitter
• 1 Entry: RT our Seattle Int’l Beerfest Tweets on Twitter (1 entry for EVERY RT)
• 5 Entries: Add http://blog.gotime.com to your blog roll
• 10 Entries: BLOG about the giveaway

PLUS we’ve added couple more ways for everyone to enter:

• 1 Entry: Leave a comment on our blog, just say hi and include a link to your blog so we can say hi back!
• 5 Entries: Blog about how much you love beer and why you deserve the tickets.
• 5 Entries: Refer a friend – Have your pal send us a direct message on twitter or leave a comment on the blog letting us know that YOU are the one that told them about the giveaway, they get 1 entry and you get 5!

Remember these aren’t just any tickets though, the prize includes:

• entry/re-entry all weekend
• VIP express entry
• commemorative glasses
• premium festival shirts
• 15 beer tickets each

Anyway, the Seattle International Beer Festival is on 4th of July weekend, and it’s always one of the best beer festivals around. They’ve got a couple hundred delicious brews from all over the world. I’m bringing a camera this year, to make sure I have some memories of the event. Hope to see you there!

All the fake ballers out there use this sh*t to “bling out” their cell phone or their gear. That’s how you can tell they got no ends. But I’m for real. I bling out my BLING. Y’hear?

I guess I never gave this one much thought, but if you’re going to have a $400 wedding cake (not that you’re going to spend $400 on a cake and then buy the topper at the dollar store, but I digress), you want the topper to represent you. But don’t you think it’s a teensy bit racist to only sell black cake toppers at the dollar store? What if I’m white trash, and I want to buy my wedding cake topper at the dollar store? I’m S.O.L.!

By the way, this is what a white trash wedding cake topper looks like:

Let me start by saying that there’s nothing wrong with doilies. Every woman over 150 years old should have at least one. But what kind of messed up Chinese-to-English dictionary spits out “Lace placemat Fruit” when you type in “doily”?

http://www.us101country.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=259236&article=5317355

The headline was inspired by Fark.com, but since it happened in Tennessee, the “thousands” might be overstating it a bit.

But I digress.

The kid was mad at his mom, so he starts a fire? I’m no child psychologist, but I think the “lighting-fires-when-angry” behavior is something they’re going to want to nip in the bud. Not to sound like Grandpa EmDub, but when I was a kid, we used run to our room, slam the door and cry into a pillow when we were mad at our parents. We also had to walk 12 miles uphill in the snow each way to school, so…yeah.

When you’re in the market for a faded-yellow soap pump featuring barnyard animals, you might think you’d have to drive all the way to the Cartier store or the Tiffany & Co. boutique. Well I hope you’re sitting down for this: You don’t have to! This finely-glazed specimen will only set you back a dollar at your neighborhood dollar store.

FIGHT CLUB SCREENPLAY, FIRST DRAFT

INT. The Dollar Store – DAY

Jack and Tyler, in trench coats, looking like death-warmed-over, wait as a BUYER fills out forms.

There are cans of “Cholesterol” hair conditioning cream on the counter.  Jack looks like he’s half-expecting to get arrested. His hand is BANDAGED.

JACK (V.O.)
Tyler sold the hair conditioning cream to department stores at twenty bucks a can. God knows what they charged.  How ironic. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

These men’s size 9/10 sandals inspired my latest one-act screenplay.

 INT. SWIMMING POOL LOST & FOUND/FRONT DESK 

Creepy McPederast: “I seem to have misplaced my sandals somewhere around the pool.”

Front Desk Girl: “Which side of the pool?”

Creepy McPederast: “I think it was the shallow end, near the…ummm…kiddie pool.”

Front Desk Girl: “Can you describe them?”

Creepy McPederast:”Ummm…Errrr…They’re red, white and blue-striped.”

Front Desk Girl: “I’m going to need a detailed description.”

Creepy McPederast: “Well…they have a phrase on them…”

Front Desk Girl: “Great! What’s the phrase?”

Creepy McPederast: “It says…Ummm…(cough)boy user(cough)”

Front Desk Girl: “Huh?”

Creepy McPederast: “BOY USER!”

Front Desk Girl: “I need to make a call.”

Prince Albert got fine tobacco and a legacy of can-related jokes. Queen Anne got chairs. Louis XIV got furniture too. Napoleon Bonaparte (that’s “Emperor Napoleon I” to you!) got a brandy, a complex and a forgettable running back. Even Archduke Ferdinand got a band named after him.

King Oscar II of Sweden got absolutely hosed. His legacy consists of a chain of sub-par motels in the meth capital of Western Washington and these expired anchovies from the dollar store. Bon appetit!

Sometimes you just want a product with a name that’s honest.

Anyone who has been to a club since the invention of Axe body spray knows that there are two types of guys: Those who don’t wear it, and those who bathe in it. Moderation is a concept lost on these douchbags and excess is the name of the game. And now it’s also the name of the one-dollar knockoff deodorant that allows you to save money without sacrificing offensiveness.