Crap for a Buck

NASCAR-Brand Fake Chew for Kids

If you want to make sure your little boy grows up into a real man, you can’t start getting him hooked on chew too early. And since it would absolutely ridiculous to give him real chewing tobacco until he’s at least eight years old, you can start him off with this: NASCAR-brand Champion Chew chewing gum. It’s like training wheels for his journey into redneck manhood.

Delivered in a cylindrical container that will give him the telltale ‘redneck ring’ in the back pocket of his jeans, these crunchy little dextrose/sugar nightmares will tear up your kid’s mouth like sandpaper-covered razors. You know it’s good when it’s endorsed by 63rd-ranked NASCAR “champion” Mike Wallace. Don’t miss out.

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