Samson gets super strength. Moses gets the burning bush AND the Ten Commandments. Joseph gets a pimp-style coat. Even Abraham got a son, when he was eighty-freaking-six years old!
And then there’s me, Tyler. Not only don’t I get a cool story in the Bible, they insult me further by immortalizing me in the form of a doll that can be used as a Christmas tree topper. A doll made by athiests in China and sold in a crappy dollar store in the United States. I mean, they couldn’t even give me a peaceful look on my face; I look like I’m trying to pass a kidney stone the size of a golf ball! And I never carried a red stick back in the B.C.s! What the hell is that about?
At least do me the courtesy of a friendly nod as you shove the business end of your Christmas tree up my backside every holiday season.
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